In Honor of the Owner of the Best Curled Ends, Ever.

Sad news, friends. I was so sorry and stunned to learn of the passing of my FAVORITE teacher ever, Mrs. Patterson. She was recently diagnosed with cancer and died last Thursday. My BFF Lee called to tell me the news last night. We both took her mysteriously titled 7th grade Language class, and then took her phenom class Advanced Diction and Rhetoric as high school juniors. Mrs. Patterson, in addition to my mother, was my grammar MENTOR and is partially responsible for the fact that I'm so ridiculously consumed by it. It was she who introduced me to Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights, three of my favorite books to this day.

I'm more upset about this than is reasonable. I sort of feel like the regulator of English grammar cannot POSSIBLY be gone. I worry that split infinitives and sentences ending with prepositions will plague the unfortunate students enrolled at WHS who weren't lucky enough to be in school during her at least 35 year tenure there.

We used to joke about her desire to teach a class solely on diagramming sentences - but I'd be the only one who'd have wanted to take it so the school system couldn't allow it. She used to lament about the dwindling usage of the word "whom" in the modern English lexicon. I think of her every time I use it. I even emailed her last year just to get her opinion on the abundance of bad grammar high school kids use on myspace and asked her if it was affecting their performance in her classes. She agreed that initially she was concerned that "text speak" and "myspace abbreviations" would find their way into her students' papers, but she assured me (with great relief of her own, she told me) that students' English skills were actually on the up and up due to the new SAT format which now boasts an extensive writing portion.


In honor of Mrs. Patterson's utterly phenom blonde (from a bottle, she once told me, but it looked VERY natural) hair, I must recommend the Marilyn Tuxedo Pro 2" brush. I also have the 3.5" one which is great for straightening and volume, but this 2" one gives your ends kicky curl. I have a feeling Mrs. Patterson used hot rollers (she was THAT kind of diva) but this will give you a similar effect.

Lee is attending the funeral this Friday at 3pm at Shaeff-Myers Funeral Home on Tennis Avenue in Ambler, PA in lieu of me as I can't take off of work but I KNOW the place will be packed to the gills. EVERYONE adored Mrs. Patterson.

I know she's somewhere right now diagramming the hell out of some sentences to her heart's content.

Grammar Lesson

Guys, I know this is neither the time, nor the place (as the time should be maybe 1994--that's what it was for me-- and the place is your eighth grade English class), but people's grammar of late is just SO abominable that I must take the time to educate you all about what I like to call the "I feel badly" syndrome. Here's the deal: anytime you're using a verb that also functions as one of the five senses, i.e., taste, smell, sound, feel, look, you must use an adjective along with it, NOT an adverb. For example.

WRONG: I feel badly that she can't come along with us.
Right: I feel bad that she can't come along with us.

Reason: If you feel badly, that indicates that you can't feel properly. Meaning, you have sensory problems in your hands like perhaps a quadriplegic. Unless that is of course the case, you always feel BAD about something when you want to convey you have feelings of sympathy or remorse.

WRONG: He smells badly.
Right: He smells bad.

Reason: Again, if he smells badly, that means he either a) lost his nose in the war, b) is extremely stuffed up or c) has a crushed septum that does not allow him to identify smells. To say he smells bad = he is malodorous.

Please, please, please make an effort to remember this if it is the only grammar rule to which you adhere. It is so much more offensive than a simple phrase ended with a preposition.

I promise my next post will be a product review.