Let's not act like we ALL didn't compulsively read it.
Yes, the writing's embarrassingly bad. Also, I've been meaning to write this post for about three months, but then, you know, LIFE happened. I'm semi-embarr to admit I finished the entire Fifty Shades Of Grey series in four days. It'll make you blush harder than the models on Michael Kors' FW 2012 runway did.
Yes, Ana Steele gives no indication that she's remotely intelligent other than Christian simply thinking she is. She drinks tea and has moderate knowledge of English Lit. References to her "inner goddess"made me acutely uncomfortable. Ana boasts an inner monologue that sounds as if it's ripped directly from the '60s television series "Batman."
You and I both read it.
For a complete passage-by-passage teardown of the hellacious writing, visit 50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com. But in between language that's allegedly spoken by Seattle natives that's fraught with Britishisms, the fact remains that the story IS spicy enough to keep you turning pages till 4am. So in keeping with blush's major comeback of Dynasty proportions this fall, here are 50 of my favorite blushes, designed to mimic the hue your cheeks will become upon reading the tome.
"Holy cow!" thinks Anastasia!
Here they are, in no particular order:
1. NARS Blush in Orgasm
2. Tom Ford Blush in Flush
3. YSL Creme de Blush in Soft Flush
4. Givenchy Blush Gelee in Candide Pink
5. Shiseido The Makeup Accentuating Color Stick in Rosy Flush
6. Ellis Faas Blush in Warm, Dusty Pink
7. Fresh Freshface Blush Powder in Petal
8. Benefit Hervana
9. Estee Lauder Pure Color Blush in Naughty
10. Sephora + Pantone Universe Color of the Year Blush Duo
11. Urban Decay Afterglow Glide-on Cheek Tint in Score
12. Stila Cherry Crush Stain
13. Kevyn Aucoin Beauty Creamy Glow In Liquifuschia
14. Bobbi Brown Pot Rouge for Lips And Cheeks in Raspberry
15. TheBalm Frat Boy Blush
16.LORAC Blush in Pink
17. Make Up For Ever Blush in 8
18. Urban Decay Afterglow Glide-on Cheek Tint in Crush
19. NYX Powder Blush in Mocha
20. Topshop Blush in Neon Rose
21. Maybelline Dream Bouncey Blush in Peach Satin
22. Sephora Lush Flush in Red Wine
23. Illamasqua Powder Blusher in Thurst
24. Philosophy Healthy Cream Blush in Look On The Bright Side
25. Estee Lauder Mad Men Cream Blush
26. Tarte Amazonian Clay 12-Hour Blush in Amused
27. Make Up For Ever Aqua Cream in Orange
28. GlamNatural Cream Blush in Ashley Ashley
29. Almay Smart Shade Blush in Berry
30. Sunday Riley Blush in Intimate
31. MAC Tres Cheek Powder Blush in LoveCloud
32. Sonia Kashuk Escape to Paradise Palette
33. Chanel Blush in Orchid Rose
34. La Prairie Cellular Radiance Cream Blush in Peach Glow
35. Tarte Cheek Stain in Blissful
36. CoverGirl and Olay Simply Ageless Sculpting Blush in Royal Plum
37. Guerlain By Emilio Pucci Terra Azzurra Powder Bronzer And Blush
38. Korres Cheek Butter in Eros Coral
39. Physician's Formula Happy Booster Glow Blush
40. Revlon Cream Blush in Rosy Glow
41. Elf Studio Blush in Pink Passion
42. Jemma Kidd Make Up School in Desert Sand/Plum
43. Jouer Mineral Powder Blush in Rose
44. Nars Multiple Tint in Turks & Caicos
45. Napoleon Perdis Barely Blushing Blush in Barely Rouge
46. By Terry Rose De Rose Sheer Liquid Blush in Amber Rose
47. Jane Iredale Cream Blush in Touch
48. Dr. Hauschka Skin Care Rouge Powder in Accento
49. Paula Dorf Cheek Color in Ballet
50. Susan Posnick COLORME Blush in Lotus Sun
What about you? Are you driving in the blush hour?
What's sending you? And have you read Fifty Shades? Do you agree that Ian Somerholder or Armie Hammer would be phenom as Christian Grey? Share ALL in the comments. Spill.
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