Dear 1998 Amber:
Grunge is almost over, doll. You've suffered long enough. Glamorous inspiration is just around the bend and her name is Britney Spears.
It's okay that you spend all of your allowance on products weekly at Drug Emporium (RIP). It's all grist for your beauty mill.
Stock up on the original packaging of Abba Moisture Scentsation Conditioner. They still make it today, but the newer bottle is uninspired.
One day, you'll be able to step outside in the summer in Philadelphia heat in the RAIN and experience minimal frizz, thanks to the best invention next to DVR and the Internet, the flatiron.
Romy and Michele's High School Reunion really IS the best movie of all time.
Live a little. It's okay to eat more than 20 fat grams a day (or whatever fakakta number you deemed appropriate). However, don't live TOO much. The world will BE your LIVING ROOM you'll be doing so much living when you get to college.
Start wearing eye cream morning and night right NOW.
By the same token, I can't effing believe you go to tanning salons. Cut the S, and stay out of the sun, both real and artificial. You DON'T have to be the tannest person at the prom. In fact, 2009 Amber is the only person over 18 who is STILL obsessed with proms.
That beautiful boy you're dating isn't mysterious and deep like Jordan Catalano, the way you think he is. There's no story there to uncover, doll. He's just a simple dude with nothing to say. You'll see.
Eventually, your father's massive aversion to the smell of nail polish won't be the obstacle that keeps you from your favorite activity (painting your nails whilst watching TV).
You're right to have a Charlotte-from-Mermaids-esque obsession with the French. Even when you've met tons of people from all over the world and have traveled to several countries, you'll find that no one, anywhere, is more chic.
Getting in trouble for talking isn't just something that's going to plague you in Latin class. It's going to be the theme of your life. One day, you'll figure out how to earn a living for it.
I wish your City Slickers-esque "one thing" that is the everything in your life were more profound, but it's a TV show, and it's called LOST. What can I say, you're a shallow person. It'll be on in six years.
Tell me: What advice would YOU give your high school self?
Subscribe via my RSS feed.